Life has been a little funny lately…

I thought I was going to be having my hip surgery 

but the universe seemed to have other plans.

A week before my surgery I got a phone call telling me

my BMI was too high and I have to lose 20-25 lbs.

 

I’m still not sure I fully understand that and truth be told

I told my counselor I think they are just fat phobic…

But either way, life had other plans for me at the moment.

 

 At first it was really hard for me to accept. 

Like, what do you mean I have to stay in pain?

What do you mean you can’t help me out of here?

What do you mean you were going to help, 

then pulled the rug right out from under me?

 

I was hurt, I was disappointed.

To be honest, I was mad at the world. 

So I isolated for a while…. I hid out and went inside.

There was clearly something else going on here…

Something that was triggered through all of this.

And the truth is, there was… A lot actually… 

 

You see, I have some pretty serious medical trauma. 

I was told for about 3 years there was nothing wrong with me

just to wake up from surgery and find out they had to 

take part of my kidney due to having kidney cancer…

 

I didn’t realize how much this still affected me.

How much it still ran this program over my life…

It made doctors, and being told they can’t do anything 

or there is nothing wrong A MAJOR TRIGGER. 

I believe now, it happened for a reason.

 

You see, because of this trauma… And others…

I really struggled to advocate for myself. 

I would keep quite, so that I didn’t stir the pot… 

I didn’t want to be made out to be a “problem”.

But this, really forced me to heal some of those blocks

and finally learn to start standing up for myself! 

 

Truth is, we may not always understand why things don’t work out…

But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason or a lesson in it. 

So what’s the reason for your season? 

What’s the lesson you are meant to learn?