I think one of the hardest parts about becoming disabled, 

is just how truly helpless/worthless I feel at times. 

It’s like I know realistically that I’m not…

But when things happen that are out of my control, 

I’m reminded of just how much it’s actually taken from me. 

 

Today as I sit and watch my cat struggle to function, 

waiting for the Lyft ride to come take us to the vet,

all I can do is cry and try to support him the best I can. 

 

I can’t just get in my car and take him to the ER vet

because I haven’t had a car since I went out of work. 

Thank goodness I was able to find a company to help,

even though it's literally $95 for a one way trip. 

They almost weren’t even able to help at all, 

because we are out of county and therefore out of service. 

The only reason why they were able to schedule the Lyft

is because I was able to get a care credit account 

in order to cover the actual vet bill itself. 

 

I’m not going to lie, it’s hard as hell and I’m tired. 

Like I’m already fighting with my health stuff already, 

add on the new blood pressure issues,

and now issues with my circulation and purple feet…

It’s been a lot. And idk how I’m still standing. 

 

I think that’s one of the cruel tricks our minds can play on us 

when we’re in the middle of the mess. 

Being powerless over parts of a situation can feel like being helpless. 

And feeling helpless can quickly turn into feeling worthless.

But those things aren’t the same.

I may not be able to control everything happening today, 

but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless. 

And it sure as hell doesn’t determine my worth.

 

I know this isn’t my typical post or the positivity I usually share, 

but the truth is - sometimes life actually fucking sucks. 

Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you are trying, 

it doesn’t matter how much effort you put in,

it doesn’t matter how much you truly care…

There are certain things out of our control. 

 

And maybe this is just one of those little things 

that means more because of where I’m at right now, 

but the company helping us today? Better Together PRC. 💖

I don’t think that’s coincidental.

 

And I just wanted to remind you, while I sit in my own mess, 

that sometimes life is a mess; and it’s okay to be a mess in it.

Sometimes all you can do is what you can do & cry A LOT.

Because sometimes life just DOES fucking suck.

But even then, we aren’t alone. 

Because we’re all human. And we all experience the mess.

 

We are Better Together. 💖