So I just came across a post
where someone was asking a specific question
and the responses kind of made me sick.
Instead of anyone actually
answering the question
she was asking, they gave
a crazy amount of advice
that wasn’t even helpful advice.
I think this is part of what’s wrong with our world.
We think we know someone’s entire situation
based on a small amount of information
that we actually have and then rather than
trying to understand their situation,
we made our own judgements and assumptions.
And to an extent? I get it… but when do we take accountability for just being inconsiderate?
Someone could look at my situation
and everything that I do
and have accomplished
over the last few years since
I’ve been out of work and assume that I’m just lazy and don’t want to get up and work.
But that’s their assumption.
That’s their lack of care
and respect for another persons situation.
Because the truth is, all of those things are true.
But there’s also a whole other side
that people don’t always get to see…
The times when I go days without showing
because I simply don’t have the energy
because of the energy that it knocks out of me. Because for me, a shower isn’t just a shower.
A shower means a lot of bending and twisting
to get dressed and undressed.
It means raising my blood pressure
and then having it drop down
into the 50s and 60s
because my body can’t handle it.
It’s the days I have to use a shower stool
just to force myself to take a shower.
Or the having to rush to my bedroom
half naked before I pass out.
What they don’t see
is the amount of pain I’m in
from simple things like doing dishes,
laundry, sweeping etc.
The on the verge of tears
that comes from it and regular debates
on whether I need a hospital.
They don’t see the things
like me fighting with doctors
and trying to advocate for myself
and trying to get help
so that I can just live a somewhat normal life.
Because sure, some days I feel great
and I go out and do things.
There’s times where I
save up energy for days when I know
I have a big event coming up.
The days after an event
that I spend recovering afterwards.
And ya know, most of the time
I keep my mouth shut because I understand
that some people can’t possibly understand something
they’ve never had to experience for themselves.
But that doesn’t change
the reality of the life that I live everyday.
And no, I don’t sit here and complain
and moan and groan all the time
because then people just get upset
because “there’s so much to still be grateful for”.
And sure, there is.
But that doesn’t take away from the pain.
It doesn’t take away the grief
of wishing that I could do more.
The overwhelm from things stacking up.
The pain of having to literally fight for my life
or any kind of quality of life
because I don’t know what my days
are going to look like from day to day.
Honestly, I don’t really care what people think.
I don’t care if they judge.
Because those things don’t change my reality either. And at the end of the day,
I know that’s the state of their heart.
And it’s going to be their fight with God
at the end of the day.
Anyways, if you made it this far.
Thank you for caring.
Thank you for taking the time to try to understand. Thank you for listening and having a good heart 💖